All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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