The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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