So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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