May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Randomize
