That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
