Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
