I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Is this like a preordered booty call?
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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