btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
