Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
