I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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