We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
