Whod you bang
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
