I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
