There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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