you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
