So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
Randomize
