well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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