i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
