I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
