Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I just saw a hot homeless man
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
