What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I am full of burrito and curiosity
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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