I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Randomize
