is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
Randomize
