When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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