my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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