anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Randomize
