Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
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