I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
