Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
