took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Randomize
