so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
