I just made out with a guy for $7.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
