Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
