i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
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