I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
