how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
