i was born a porn star she said
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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