Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
