True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
he thought i was a dude.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
