just tell him i said nine months
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
