Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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