In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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