you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
