Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Randomize
