So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
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