I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
