last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
