We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
