your thong is hanging out like whoa
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
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