So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Randomize
